I was more than pleased, when, at this last General Conference, a talk was given on the topic of children. Having as many children as we do, can cause quite a stir when going out into public. You can watch as people start counting the crew we have in tow. Their eyes grow wide and usually a comment is made such as this, "WOW! You've got your hands full!" Do ya really think so, I think sarcastically to myself as I plaster a smile on my face and say, "Yes we do!" At times my response is genuine and at others I'm simply frustrated and disgusted with people. That's when I hear in my head a quote from a comedian, "Here's your sign!" Of course it's hard to have a large family, but the blessings far outweigh the negatives!
In a world where so many people either choose not to have children, have only 2 or 3, or can not have children of their own, we are scrutinized. I receive varying responses from so many. Ones who so desperately want to have children of their own,smile and tell me how lucky I am. And they are correct. I am so very blessed! Those who have asked..."What made you keep having more after 3?" make me want to smack them for being so judgmental. But I refrain and try to remember that they simply don't understand.
Since when did it become another's right to judge a person/family for their choices? That's where this conference talk comes in. It brought me peace and comfort and reminded me that what I am doing is good and right, no matter what anyone else says or does.
http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng
Having children is a personal choice. If your choice is to not have children, that is your right. If you choose to have 10 children, that, again, is your right. Either way, shouldn't we all focus more on loving people for who they are rather than picking them apart and telling them what we think they are doing wrong with their lives?
Our Father in Heaven loves each of us. He wants us each to be happy. And he wants us to love one another.
Each day, I will try to do even better at keeping my thoughts/comments in check. If I don't want to be judged, then I should not judge unrighteously either.
May we all try to love one another more and become more like the Savior each day!
I have never judged you for having this many children. You are obviously well suited to it and have been prayerful with every one! Now, I know I am guilty of wondering why....when I see children who aren't taken care of. But I would never say anything to them! That is my problem to correct. How rude! I too loved this talk. It was great.
ReplyDeleteI am on the other side of this from people in church. Usually from my old wards. "What? Only one? These two are going to be 4 years apart?"
That's about all I get. Maybe they are afraid to say more. :) I know that this is what I'm supposed to have and can handle. When it feels right, you just go with it!
Love both your post and Karens' comments. I have lived this for many years--even more so when you add in my "adopteds" who seemed to travel with my pack. I got to the point where I would look at those who were incredulous at the numbers of children I had with me--smile and say "Yes, I am so blessed." Unfortunatly this didn't happen until I had lived in the southwest, where there are many large hispanic families--When they would see me, member and non-member alike, they would say "Ah, you are so very blessed by our Lord" That is when I decided that others just didn't understand that it was a personal choice and that we were blessed according to our personalities, abilities and sometimes given trials, by Heavenly Father. That what ones family size was was personal, between the couple and the Lord. Oh how I cry for those who cannot have children-(my daughter being one of them) and pray that they too will be blessed.
ReplyDeleteSo basically, Kara--I say Be proud of each of your precious children--and feel compassion for those who do NOT know or understand our joy!
Thank You for this post!
We perceive our worlds from what we grow up with and our own experiences. More people in the last generations grew up as only children, or in a very small family, and so they simply can't comprehend what it would be like to have more than a few children. (often they grew up with negative connotation of having children too.) I think when those people say things like, "what made you keep having more after 3" they're often truly interested in the anomaly they find in you and want to see what makes you different from them, and their set of experiences. (even when their tones don't sound like it...that's the underlying drive for the question) And for the ones that are just looking down on people for having large families, with Satan's real, and strong, attacks on the family over the past century in the public media there's no wonder why some people are so negative about kids. But that's when we get the opportunities to show by our attitude and responses that this is what brings us JOY.
ReplyDelete